Doubt

Perhaps those of you who read Friday’s blog entry saw this coming.  This last weekend, I met with my first serious doubts about my goal of running a marathon in March.

As I mentioned on Friday, it’s not that I don’t think that I’ll be able to finish my 26.2 mile run.  Perhaps I do have some fear along these lines, but in any event, I won’t really be able to face and battle these fears until race day.  Meanwhile, I’m learning what I need to know about nutrition and pacing, and I am training my body to be able to complete the run.  I have no illusions about being the first one to the finish line.  But I think I am realistic in my expectation that, if I keep up my training and keep learning, that I’ll be able to run the race to its completion. 

No, it’s all that I might feel that I’m giving up along the way that weighed on me this weekend.  It’s all the extra responsibility that I feel I am putting on Julie to single-handedly parent the kids, especially on Shabbat.  So, I started thinking: If I changed my goal to do the marathon in Greenville next October, that would put the heavy training during the summer.  And in summer, the whole family can go out together; Julie can bike & pull the kids in a trailer while I run.  Or she can head out with me and play with the kids on a beautiful summer morning under the sun while I run, as opposed to being stuck in a house for hours every Shabbat throughout the winter.  And then, when busy season comes along, I could be in a lighter training cycle rather than overlapping my busiest time of year at work with some of my longest runs.  Really, one might say, I didn’t think things through very well before I signed up for this marathon.  It really could be timed out a lot better for October.  So, maybe I could call the marathon folks & tell them to change my registration to be for the half?  That way I could also make the most out of money already committed to this process.

I shared my misgivings with Julie after my run on Saturday.  We talked it through & I think that I had nearly sold her on the change of course.  But, I guess after thinking about our conversation as she showered, she came back to me and encouraged me to stay the course.  No matter what, she said, we would be running and biking and playing on Saturdays during the summer.  Wouldn’t it be nice (she didn’t say, but I inferred) if we could just enjoy each other in doing so instead on needing to stick to a programmed duration or distance?  I’ve come this far, and even if I were to change gears to aim for an October marathon, that’s really not going to change much about my daily or weekly runs.  How about, Julie suggested, I do my long runs on Sunday instead of Saturday for a while?

I won’t need to work on Sundays until February, and even then, Sundays tend to be short working days for me until mid-March.  The marathon is March 10^th.  When I was originally setting myself up on my marathon schedule, I was envisioning the worst cases: the three-hour run two weeks prior to the marathon and the other couple long runs right near the end. 

But, suggested Julie: Isn’t there some room for flexibility?  I mean, sure, there’s one long run a week, and it makes sense for it to be on Saturday or Sunday.  And it would probably be hard to just wing it week to week, since the days before & after the long run of the week are in anticipation of and recovery from the long run, respectively.  But what about planning on running on Sundays in November & December, at least?

Boy-o, does it ever pay to have a smart & loving wife!

My doubts have been allayed.  My verve has been renewed.